Sunday, August 17, 2008
No Rhyme or Reason
I have learned that MS has no rhyme or reason in the short time it has been since I was diagnosed. I have had more good days lately which I thank God for the blessing, but when it is a bad day, it can be really nasty. Sometimes it is just a fatigue thing, which is hard to explain to someone who has never experienced this type of fatigue. I have been an insomniac for many years and prayed for sleep to come, but this is so much more then that kind of tired. I have days (like today) when I can't not sleep. It comes to a point where it feels like I can no longer hold my eyes open and my head has suddenly gained 10 pounds. It is so hard to explain to a 6 year old why you sleep so much. If I only had a bit of their energy, it would make the hard days soooo much easier!! I feel bad some days because I have no energy to do simple things with the kids like we used to - it hurts to have to say "no" or "maybe" all the time. I know I am doing better than I was 2 months ago, again, Thanks to God!! I would love to go into a total "remission" (I am considered to have aggressive relapsing remitting MS) and not have a single symptom for a while. I do not know if I would recognize what feeling like normal again would be.......scary thought as that is!!